Kindly Reminder: Why we are here, and why we do what we do

It was becoming a typical Friday night; since I was creating a routine decision to stay in and order takeout from Khao Sarn, the tastiest and closest Thai there was from our apartment in Williamsburg. 

While multitasking; something I do constantly, but know I’m very bad at it, there I was… sitting down, eating pad thai, watching Sex and The City, applying for jobs, and texting a guy I'm pretty sure I'm falling for.

Few episodes and applications later, I realized that I was living in constant pressure. “The pressure” I might say, of pleasing everyone in my family and hearing all the feedback my closest friends had for me. To put it in a more in-detailed scenario, my family has always supported me in anything I do (which I’m very grateful for). 

Unfortunately, the fashion industry wasn’t on their agenda for my future career path. As typical and conservative as they are, they feel that: “Why should their little girl struggle” There’s an easy way for that: go back home, work for the family business and have four bosses (like one wasn’t enough). As bad as it sounds, I have lived there most of my life, love the chill Mex-Cali life, and have grown within the family biz, which I have a true affection for; I truly enjoy the hospitality industry, and I know I’ll work on it soon, but not just yet. It might seem I’m contradicting myself but I’m not. 

Ever since I could remember, I knew I was creative, had a passion for fashion; even though I didn’t know shit about it. But I knew I want it to be in it, and badly. Eventually, exploring the big apple was just around the corner, even though I didn’t know when exactly that was. The only thing I did know was the thrill of the unknown, the struggle, the people and exploring and making it in THE industry; was something I was looking forward to; until I got here. 

Now, ten months in the City, five fashion editorials and eight campaigns later; I was in the limbo: no job. The struggle was REAL, and it is exhausting trying to make it happen when you know there is so much competition out there. Thought of seeking into another industry; or be a sales associate to gain some bank to afford living here. Though I knew I was capable of a more challenging position. I never stopped believing in myself; I am still here, not proving my family anything like I used to, not seeking their constant advice, but just being me; which makes it just a tad more relieving; doing everything for myself, on my own, as it is. Call me selfish, but I’m quite happy not hearing: “That’s a very low salary”, “What will you do afterwards?”, “Remember that where you work is a most likely place where you could meet your future husband”, “Where do you see yourself having a family?”, “Do you see yourself working all the time for someone else?”, and the list could keep going, but I think that’s for now.

I pretty much pressure myself enough to think of these previous questions and statements. Let’s just say I’m getting closer to the job I want, slowly as a snail; but hey! baby steps. I get desperate sometimes, who wouldn’t. I know what I want, and I know I’ll get it. For now, the only certain thing on my table is a cold pad Thai and a cigarette break.